Can I?
by ImagingThings
Summary: Being pregnant with your first child is never easy. But for Dinah, being pregnant with a child whose father was killed by her two older brothers, things could hardly be worse. Hinted Dinah-Shechem.


"Don't tell me you're still grieving for him."  
Dinah looked up and saw her older brother, Simeon, come towards her where she was sitting on a rock in the outskirts of the father's camp looking towards the town of Shechem, or rather towards where the town had been before two of her brothers, Simeon, who was now sitting down on the rock besides her, and Levi, had taken a gruesome revenge because of what they viewed as a dishonouring of their baby-sister.  
"Yes, Simeon. I am grieving for Shechem. And I'm grieving for my lost honour, I haven't yet lived twenty years and I'm already a widow, a widow with a child." She paused, looking down at her heavy belly. It was a strange thought, both sad and comforting; to know that within her the child of Shechem was growing. Sad because the child would never know its father, comforting because this way a part of Shechem would remain.  
"You are not a widow Dinah, you and Shechem never got married." Simeon murmured, as if that would make her feel better.  
"And _whose _fault is that? He offered to marry me. Father agreed, but 'oh no'. Not even a prince was good enough for your baby-sister. I am _not _a baby any longer."  
"It wasn't because we didn't think he was 'good enough' for you. It was because of what he did to you."  
"One thing, Simeon, _one _thing did Shechem do which was bad. If he had tossed me to the street, refusing to take the responsibility for his actions, _then _I could understand your hatred. But he didn't, he sought to right his wrongs." Once again she paused, unable to contain the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Besides," she added angrily, "I am just as guilty as he. It wasn't a _rape_. I consented to it, even though I knew it was against our laws. I've got some really interesting news for you; I _love _Shechem. Not loved, even though he's dead I still love him and I always will."

Before her brother could reply she jumped up and ran towards their mother's tent, her heavy belly making it rather hard to run. Entering the tent she instantly threw herself sideway onto her bed, being an unmarried daughter she still lived in her mother's tent, and cried. Cried for Shechem whom she loved, and cried for their child who would grow up without a father.  
"You know you have to forgive your brothers."  
Looking up Dinah saw her mother, Leah, entering the tent.  
"How?" Dinah asked her voice thick from weeping.  
"I don't know, Dinah. I don't know." slowly her mother went over and sat down besides Dinah, still crying Dinah placed her head in her mother's lap, as she had done back in a time when things had been simpler, and allowed her mother to carefully run her fingers through her hair.  
After a while the tears subsided and Dinah sat up and hugged her mother.  
"Thank you." She whispered. "But still, what if I make a terrible mother?"  
For a while Leah didn't answer the question, and then she brought her hand to Dinah's chin, twisting her daughter's head slightly, causing mother and daughter to look eye-to-eye.  
"Let me tell you a secret Dinah. That's what _every _woman fears when she is carrying her first child. Women have had children for generations, all doubting their abilities, most of them doing rather well if you ask me." Even thought it seemed like she was going to say more she stopped and looked towards the entrance of the tent where little Carmi, the youngest son of Reuben was standing.  
"Can I come in, grandmother?"  
"_May _I come in?" Leah corrected her grandson. "And yes you may."  
quickly the boy entered the tent and went over to sit down besides his aunt.  
"Aunt Dinah, when is the baby going to come so we can play?" he asked.  
"I think the baby will come _very _soon." Dinah replied, looking down at her eager nephew with a smile. "But you know it will take a while before the baby will be old enough to play with. Besides," she added, making her voice conspicuous, "it might be a girl."  
The thought of the baby being a girl made Carmi twist his face in a rather un-charming manner.  
"But girls are boring." He said sulkily. "Why can't you make it so it will be a boy?"  
"I can't do that." Dinah replied, hoping she wasn't sounding too much as if she thought Carmi was just a dumb little child. "God, and _only _God, decides that sort of things, we humans can only…" a rather hard kick from the baby made her stop abruptly, causing the little boy sitting beside her to look up at her in fear.  
"Something wrong?" he asked, making Dinah wonder if he knew how women reacted when it became time for their children to be born.  
"No." She quickly reassured to scared boy, "the baby is just kicking. Here, put your ear against my belly, then you can hear the heartbeat."  
Slowly Carmi did as instructed and only a few seconds later another kick came, right where they young boy had his ear. His head quickly withdrawing he starred first down at his aunt's swollen belly, then up at his aunt, eyes huge with wonder.  
"How did the baby know where to aim?" he asked.  
"I don't know." Dinah answered honestly.  
Looking up she realized that her mother was smiling broadly.  
"What is it, mother?"  
"You see, Dinah, this is why I'm sure you'll make a _wonderful _mother. You are so patient with the children; maybe you should try applying to same patience to your brothers."  
Dinah looked up at her mother in shock, had she just suggested she treated her much older brothers as children? Then it dawned upon her; what Leah had meant was the patience.  
"You know what, mother? I think I will."  
Slowly she got up and went to look for her brothers.

She hadn't been looking for long before she noticed the two brothers she was searching come towards her.  
"Can we talk for a moment?" Levi asked. It seemed like Simeon, not knowing if Dinah was still angry, was letting his brother do the talking.  
"Of course." Dinah replied. "I was just looking for you two."  
"Listen Dinah," Simeon begun cautiously, as if he still feared his sister would lash out at him.  
"Don't worry, Si-Si." Dinah reassured her brother, using her old name for him, from when she had been unable to say 'Simeon'. "I'm not angry anymore."  
"You were right." Simeon continued. "We _have _been treating you as a baby."  
"It wasn't just because of what Shechem did we took our revenge." Levi added. "It was because we couldn't bear the thought of our baby-sister moving away."  
"And that just proves how _stupid _you two are." Dinah said, shaking her head slightly. "Where do you think you would be living if things had gone as planned and I had married Shechem?"  
"In the camp outside the town." Levi replied.  
"Yes. And I would come and visit you _all _the time."  
Her two brothers didn't reply to that, instead they looked down towards the ground.  
"But seeing as things have not turned out that way I want you two to promise me something."  
Slowly her brothers looked up again.  
"Whatever you wish we'll try to give it to you." Levi said.  
"Help me." she said, looking at them. "Help me with the child. If it's a boy teach him how to hunt and to protect our animals from predators. If it's a girl help me find a good loving husband for her. And no matter the gender, if the child one day asks what happened to its father, do not lie. Can you do that for me?"  
Rather than answering her brothers just nodded, by that showing that they agreed to her demands. Slowly Dinah went forward and hugged her two brothers, and action being slightly awkward for several reasons: firstly because they both were much taller than her, secondly because of her huge swollen belly and thirdly because hugging two people at the same time always tended to be a bit awkward.


End file.
